Wretched Little Brit.

This didn’t last very long, did it?

I basically live for deliveries at the moment. I have all sorts of books coming. I got two packs of white-tac today because I order errrrrrything online, clearly. And another book. I’m still waiting for some clothes and more and more books. SO MANY BOOKS. I haven’t read any of them yet. Or even started any of them.

I’m working my way through the watch list though. No, that’s a lie, I’m watching things I want to watch. I’m getting ones on the list from lovefilm but I’m only on a free trial so it’ll run out soon and I’ve only watched two! I copied most of Adam’s Hitchcock collection though so I can watch them at university if all else fails. I’ve watched Batman: Mask of the Phantasm and Hercules today. I’ll watch True Blood and then watch something from the list. I downloaded the Royal Tenenbaums which is on there.

Speaking of university, my room has become a Total Wipeout course of cardboard boxes and washing baskets full of crap I’m taking. And a lot of it is crap but so be it, I’ll fit it all in somehow, even if I have to sleep on books and DVDs. Which will probably have to happen.

Oh well.

This week. Oh, this week. I had my driving test on Monday, which I thankfully passed. I was convinced I’d failed because I messed up on a roundabout and at one point I convinced myself that I forgot to indicate at a junction. It was one of those moments where you do things automatically, then forget. I do it all the time in regards of locking (and sometimes even shutting) my door.

That said there’s not much point in insuring me on any car now because I’m hopefully moving away next month. My bike will see me through!

Today I woke up after four ignored phone calls (I was tired, mam, stop ringing) and went in and ended up on the news, looking like a mug, as usual. And I get to do it twice tomorrow, woooh.

I think my giggle fits are actually better than the miserable mess I ended up looking like today.

This summer seems to have gone unnaturally fast. It doesn’t seem that long ago that I was sat in my Classics class drinking Shloer after my last exam (which was Classics, if you couldn’t tell).

I had so many things that I was determined to do. I wanted to make a Shadowcat costume; I wanted to read up on extinct fauna of the United Kingdom (and then the world); I wanted to get fit by cycling every day.

I have done none of this. That is not to say that I haven’t done anything this summer, because arguably this is the busiest summer I’ve ever had. I’m working every weekend, I’m out with friends or over friend’s houses during the week, I’m at the cinema or eating burgers at the Metrocentre. I’m very glad that I’m this busy but I’m also rather tired. I was thankful for last week because I got to have a week where apart from Stateside and a driving lesson I basically did nothing at all! But none of the things I specifically planned happened. Hurm.

Last Summer we all seemed to have holidays to go on so we never organised things. I was lying around, sleeping until 2 or 3pm most days, other weeks I was on holiday in lovely Crieff. I also had a lot more all-nighter movie marathons followed by 9am breakfasts at McDonald’s. I rarely make it past 1am this year. Because of the fact I had so little to do I got bored incredibly quickly. I guess the fact that AS students finish earlier than A2 students is something to do with that.

It just seems insane to me that in a few days time I’ll be getting the results that are the culmination of the last 2 years of work, and I am terrified for it. I’ve planned everything from accommodation to possible work places and shopping areas (specifically for doughnuts because I am terrible) around the fact that Westminster is my first choice, so if I end up in Newport I have nothing. My parents have even planned hotels for the night before my tenancy is supposed to start as well as the fact my mother has taken on a number of entire stores to audit down there so she can bring me stuff if needed. All this preparation for Westminster, and if I end up with 3 Bs, or 2 Bs and a C or anything less it’s all for nothing.

Which brings me to my next fear: the results themselves. It’s no secret that when it comes to exams I am a pathetic perfectionist. I’ve resat almost every exam that I didn’t get an A in (GCSE ICT and my AS film resits being the exception because a) lol ICT and b) I already resat film so it can go fuck itself), and I’m always telling myself “No! Be happy with any sort of pass!” but it doesn’t stick. I’ve managed to get it into my head that not getting straight As is disappointing not just for me but for my parents and grandparents and whoever else has faith in me, because people have way too much faith in me in general. I feel like those grades are the only thing I have going for me because I’m not exactly a fantastic person everywhere else so even though my jokes fail and my face is less than enjoyable to look upon I can still think “well fuck you because I’m practically a straight A student” which is a ridiculous mentality because grades mean nothing at all, so it’s probably best I work my way out of that at some point (soon, hopefully). I think everyone will be a lot happier if I do.

But yes, if I DO get the grades I want (ABB), or even if I don’t (I’m still pretty sure I’ll get into Newport no matter what, so egg on my face if I don’t), I’m leaving my beautiful native north for either London or South Wales.

 What am I doing? The further north I get the happier I am, so I’m choosing the south?

I have a pack of food and drink already. My bedroom essentials are covered, as are my bathroom things. Some of them have actually been put into my mam’s other car to get them out of the house. Suddenly it feels very, very real. And I’m not sure I like it.

This is an attempt at making an actual blog again. No doubt it will fail, just like my livejournal. And my blogspot. And my other blogspot. And my original personal tumblr. And the other diary websites that I failed so much as I can’t even remember their names. And my countless diaries that I kept in real life but did not succeed in continuing to write things in after about a month. And if they were written in it was mainly “OH GOD I HATE MY BROTHER HE IS USING MY INTERNET TIME UNFAIIIIIIIRRR” or “Me and so-and-so would make a fantastic couple”.

But yes, fresh start. I have nothing to actually talk about at the moment, so here’s hoping I actually get into university next week and do have something interesting. Hopefully it will be Westminster, as I already made a new blogspot titled “A Stark in King’s Landing”, which is actually a terribly witty title as I would be a Northerner moving “doon sooth”, and won’t really work in Newport as Newport is arguably worse than the north weather-wise.

I also have a notebook to use as a diary ready to go. And a new flickr and god knows what else.

So, essentially, LET’S DO THIS SHIT.